fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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