hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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