"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
