the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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