There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
