If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
did i walk over a car last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
