dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently you make a good broom.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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