Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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