You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
