TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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