where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
