i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
