I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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