Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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