I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
