Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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