I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize