she was so not down for the gang bang
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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