Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
smell my finger.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
