i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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