My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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