The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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