i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
