I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
