I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
