Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
