Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
