I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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