I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
