he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The air was thick with penises
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
