Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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