i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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