I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
