What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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