I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
