My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
