We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
