He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
