I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize