I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
