his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
