I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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