Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
