If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize