If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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