i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
