Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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