i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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