I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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