i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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