We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
