after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
