I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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