Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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