I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
