Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize