the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
