I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize