I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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