It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
