At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
