Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
