I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize