somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
