i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
