I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
