Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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