she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
