Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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