you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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