Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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