Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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