i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
