So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
