There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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