We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
