yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
