my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
