I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
