So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
