The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i drank out of a bidet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
