doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
