Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
