uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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