I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
