the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
