I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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