Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
