Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
