You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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