we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize