Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
