She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
