i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
