i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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