no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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